Wednesday, July 18, 2007

From the Depths

Late July is my least favorite time of year, and this has nothing to do with the brutal heat associated with this time of year. It was during this time of year, ten years ago, that my little brother committed suicide. This was an indescribably horrific event, however a lot of time has past and I have come to as much peace with what happened as I will ever be able to. I am able to live my life happily.

I have reached the point that when I remember Nate, I remember that good times we had together and not that awful July day ten years ago. However every year as the anniversary of his death approaches, unbidden and unwelcome memories of the traumatic events float up from the depths of my mind and with crystal clarity I relive those awful moments. I hate being reminded of how unhealing some of the wounds are. The fact that this is the tenth anniversary just seems to have intensified things this year.

Not much that I can do about this other than wait for the 23rd to pass. No doubt as they always do these unwanted memories will settle back down into the dark untraversed corners of mind, and once again thoughts of Nate will be of the good times, and my life resume its normal enjoyable rhythm.


VA Friend said...

Again, I am so sorry for you in having to deal with this event over and over again. It must have been horrific.

Do you know why he did it?

The Agent of Entropy said...

What specificaly triggered it, no. But he had always struggled with depression, the best we can tell is that he just couldn't bring himself to fight that battle anymore.